The Sisterhood of Mothers

Tuesday, June 25, 2013

The Sisterhood of Mothers

i live in a small town.  so it's no secret that you business is everyone else's business.
and everyone is quick to jump on the gossip train when they hear something juicy.
whew - if going through a divorce in a small town at the age of 25 didn't give me a new layer of thick skin, i'm not sure what else could have.
i remember sitting in therapy one day and my counselor told me, do not listen to anyone who has not been in your shoes.  and it was spot on.
those who are quick to talk, quick to judge, quick to whisper, are too scared to look inside their own lives and deal with their problems.  they cover up their problems with everyone elses.
it's so sad, but so true.
some rumors have started again in my small little town.  luckily i'm not in the line of fire, but i still feel affected.  i know what these women feel like.  and it SUCKS knowing that some of them were the ones who were quick to talk, judge and whisper about me.  shoes fits kinda different when it's on the other foot huh?
i could sit here and be bitter about it.  but i'm not going to.  i can't.  because i know what it's like and it's not fun at all.  i came across this article below on Scary Mommy the other day and it's absolutely perfect for this situation.  i feel we all can use this type of reminder every once in awhile.  i love the quote "there's a special place in hell for women who don't help other women."
and that's so true.  all differences aside, we are mothers.
no matter how you became a mother.  no matter who you mother.  regardless of what you believe, how you did it, what worked for you, what you stand for, what you stand up against... we are all in this together.
or at least we should be.

We come in all shapes and sizes, all manner of opinion, tradition, and circumstance. We are not born mothers, regardless of what our children may think, though some of us are clearly better at it than others.
Our knowledge does not arrive in a neat little box with a satin bow. We learn by watching others, through sheer will, strength and adversity. We are on the front lines. Some of us hover, some parent from afar. No matter what our style, we are questioned, challenged, revered, reviled. And, fortunately, loved — though never quite as much as we love.
We are mothers.
We are single, married, divorced, gay, straight. We are perfect; we are imperfect; we are tough; we are soft; we keep therapists in business. We are doctors without licenses perpetually on call to remedy ills and fix broken hearts. 
We are cheering squads, disciplinarians, realists, dreamers, playmates, chefs, and detectives. We are students of life, professors of whatever the day brings.
Whether we work at home or in an office, our job description is long and our days are too short. Whether we have money to burn or none to spare, our salary is the same. It won’t buy what’s in any store, but it can make us feel richer just the same.
We are mothers.
Most of us do it for love, a few for glory, some just do it. All of us have the power to change lives. 
We are nearly 90 million strong and sisters at heart. Still, sometimes we are each other’s toughest critics, and forget we have one another to fall back on — we are our own best source of inspiration, courage, advice and kindness.
We are mothers.
When the earliest memories of our children begin to fade — memories of their first steps, first words, first day of school — we work to keep them alive. We make scrapbooks, take photos, carry images in our hearts.
We are mothers. 
There are those of us who believe that mistakes cannot be guarded against, that the old ways are the best. Others say history is to be learned from but should not be repeated — that the future must be written anew.
One day soon, when some of us least expect it, the future will arrive. Our kids will be grown and we’ll move on with our lives separate from theirs. And when it does, and we are in the company of women friends both old and new, we’ll be reminded not of our differences, but of the single most important way we are the same.
We are mothers.
in other news - 6 months til Christmas!!
this will be on my spotify for sure today!


Sara said...

There are so many bigger things in life to worry about than gossip and vengeance. I live in a small town as well (population 1300!!), and I know the gossip chain all too well. But once your reach a certain age, you start to realize that the gossip will only linger if you feed in to it and acknowledge it, and it will only bother you if you let it. The best thing to do is turn the other cheek and ignore it. Not point it out. Not bring it to light. Not let other people know it's out there. Especially if it isn't about you (even if its about someone that may have hurt you in the past). That makes you a stop on the gossip chain and as you've said, you don't want to be that person. But this post does make you a player.

Adrien said...

Ack - I hate gossip. Lifting people up and being an encouragement will always make YOU feel better in the end!

Eric and I have been at the receiving end of a lot of gossip. We seem to be easy targets. I don't think people even realize it makes them look really, really bad...and desperate...and insecure. So I feel sorry for them and keep on smiling!

Amanda aka Manda said...

growing up in a small town, I know exactly what you mean! Keep your chin up lady! You're amazing!

Tina Steibel said...

Well said.....

The Pink Growl said...

Just stop it with your 6 months until Christmas! haha And you are an amazing mom, friend and person Cass! Never let anyone make you feel otherwise! I understand the small town gossip and how it can make you doubt yourself, but YOU ARE SO STRONG!

Katie said...

Love, love, love this. I really needed to read this today. Gossiping and judging others only hurts yourself in the end. As mothers, we should be a little slower to judge and quicker to show grace and mercy to other mothers.

Also, love Christmas and Christmas music! Thanks for reminding me that it's in 6 months...I think that's a good excuse to listen to some Christmas music today :)

Shannon Snodgrass said...

Amen sister!! Lawd, why am I crying?? I know we don't "know" each other that well on a personal basis but I feel like we speak the same language. There is some type of womanly bond... some type of sisterhood of sorts that women share when they can connect on a certain level. Maybe because we've shared similar experiences or maybe it's just because we ARE MOTHERS?!? Believe it or not, I have learned from you and am inspired by you as a mother and as a woman. XOXO

Sara Simpson said...

Loved the poem. Made me tear up!!