The Girlfriend and A Commercial

Tuesday, November 27, 2012

The Girlfriend and A Commercial

i touched briefly on the topic yesterday but it still hasn't left my mind.
let's first make it clear that i'm 100% ok that he has a girlfriend.
that's not the issue AT ALL.
i have no beef with this girl. i am a little disappointed that she thinks it's ok to meet his kids this soon, but i don't know the back story there.  to each their own.
what i am 100% NOT ok with is the fact that this girl has met my children.
just a short 17 days after the divorce was final.
and when i ask if he can pay the respect of telling me who she is the response is, 'it's none of your business.'
my children are my business.  try again with that response.
AND to find out that she's only been around a month or so AND that he was messing around with someone else JUST a few weeks ago.  so how serious IS this girl to be MEETING YOUR CHILDREN!!!
my heart HURTS for my kids.
they have the best hearts.  they love people.  they connect FAST.
and to just introduce someone to them who can be gone before they know it.
ugh - it just kills me.  i HATE it for them.
and for their own dad to not understand this.  to not see this.
to tell me i should think of it as a play date.  a play date?  NO!
or to tell me that they are too young to even know what is going on.  NO!
children are sponges!!  they know and catch on to SO much.
they have been amazing through the whole separation and divorce process.  but it's still SO new to them.
this is a crucial time to be there for your children.  to bond and connect and grow together.
and then to throw THIS on top of them.  a girlfriend AND her son.
i cry for them.  i hurt for them.
i love them so much and it sucks that there's NOTHING i can do about this.
they have to be SO confused!!
i can talk and talk and talk until i am blue in the face.  he does not get it.
and it kills me.
kills me.
some may think this post is too much.
but this blog is my place.
my voice.
my thoughts.
my opinions.
my heartache.
i need advice.  i need opinions.  i need to know that i'm not alone.
with that being said if you are looking for me i'll be in a triple therapy session the rest of the day.

in lighter news, let's jump ship and try to bring some fun to this blog post.
there was a lottery commercial filmed in my town.  how cool right?
check it out!  i love it!  yay red bud!



melissal said...

I've been a reader of your blog for a while (I'm Erin's sister-in-law who stumbled across your blog from her blog roll), so I just wanted to tell you that I get where you are coming from and I can relate to your post as I come from a family of divorced parents (and my dad is also divorced from his second wife).

I get everything you are feeling. My mom and dad got divorced when I was 8. My dad didn't let us meet his girlfriend for a year after they started dating cause he was just so overly cautious of our feelings (I believe I was 11 or 12 at the time) and when we did meet her, we randomly "bumped" into her at the mall and were introduced to her as someone my dad worked with...we had no clue. My dad married her years later and they had my 11-year-old little sister together, but are now, sadly, divorced. I know my dad dated other people before my step-mom, but we never met them.

Even though I am 28 years old, I think my step-mom tends to forget that she married us too and that the divorce hurt us and the void that she use to fill stings just as badly as if it were my mom and dad getting re-divorced when I was 8.

My stepmom and little sister live with her boyfriend (who she moved in with after 6 months) and this isn't the first boyfriend my little sister has moved in with. I don't think it is right and a stable environment for my little sister, especially since my little sister has to deal with my dad and step-mom constantly not getting along.

I just think some people don't get it. You get it though and that is what matters and you will be there for your kids and will be able to console them and help to shield their big hearts from the stuff others don't get in these situations. Keep doing what you are doing, your kids have a good mom.

Katie said...

I think you are doing everything you can do. As much as it SUCKS you can't make him see how it's not good for HIS children to connect with someone and then possibly have them taken out of their life with no explanation. You are 100% right that they are old enough to know what is going on and they will form attachments. All you can do is be there for your children, support your children, and do what's best for them, which is what you are doing! You are a great mom and your children will grow up appreciating that more and more as they get older.

I admire your strength and dignity through all of this. I can't even pretend I know what you are going through but I don't think anyone could handle it any better than you are.

Anonymous said...

I think this all depends on the situation. While I understand your point of view I have been in his shoes as well. The best thing for both of you to remember is that you both do love your kids no matter what the other one thinks. Neither of you will hurt them on purpose. There will come a time down the road that you will do something which will cause him to question your judgement as a mother and as much as it's not right he will take his cue on how to treat the situation from you and how you treat this one. You both have to learn how to deal with the things you don't agree with because you will never again agree on how to raise your kids.

Just thought you might want a divorced dads point of view.


Adrien said...

I don't think you're overreacting about this situation at all - I'd be sick about it, too. I really don't have a lot of experience with divorce, but as a mom I totally understand wanting to protect your babies from getting hurt or confused. You are absolutely right - they understand a lot more than we give them credit for. Praying for you, girl.

Oh, and that commercial - so awesome! Just wish there was even MORE of Red Bud! :)

Beth said...

I have no advice or opinions...just hate this for everyone involved. :( Thinking of you all!

Kim Luke said...

I've somewhat said this to you before. but I'm going to openly voice it in a comment, in hopes that Josh or someone close to him, reads these posts and comments.

What Josh is doing, I did. (HARD TO ADMIT)
And the pain you are feeling, Dane felt. (EVEN HARDER TO ADMIT)
And I truly believe that when your feet are on the other shoes, you don't realize it. You don't realize the pain you are causing your loved ones, and how much it is truly effecting your kids.
I know that introducing Landon to M was a mistake. Lay of course was too small to know any better, and still is.
However, Stella is not. Stella is taking every single thing he does and says with this 'girlfriend'.
I'm not saying it's going to screw her up by any means. But it is going to make a difference in her life. Whether she says around for a month, or a year. She will NEVER forget her.
And although there is absolutely NOTHING you can do to prevent Josh from doing what he's doing, you just have to stay focused on being the best mommy you can be, because they need YOU more than anything right now. and just hope Josh will realize what is right for your babies.

You are an amazing person Cassie. S&H are so lucky to have you.
Keep your head up, and this too shall pass! <3

on another note:
I love that commercial. I just love Red Bud at Christmas!!!

keepingupwithkristen said...

As soon as I read that yesterday, my jaw dropped -- "Oh no he didn't!" That's kind of a big deal...introducing the babies to a new girl AND her kid.

You have every right to feel the way you're feeling. Henry is still so little but Stella is definitely old enough to understand. I would just make sure you talk to her about it and answer any questions she might have.

You have to remember that you're their mama no matter what and you, above everyone else, knows what's best. I've actually been the "girlfriend" in a situation like this (many years ago) and the mama and I ended up becoming good friends because she realized I loved and took care of her baby when she wasn't around. It took her a while to get to that point and I totally understood.

Hopefully girlfran is respectful and doesn't cross any lines or I might just have to make a trip to visit her : ) And you, too of course! ...and Stella and Henry! And I'll bring Nikki too!! xo

Anonymous said...

I hurt for your kids :(
Stella is younger than my oldest daughter by a few months but my child was effected by a similar situation last year ....except it wasn't us, her happily married parents, but her uncle, my brother in law. He dated a lady witha 3 yr old daughter for over two years. The girls were the same age and could not recall life without knowing eac other! They were good friends and playmates. Unfortunately, the relationship didn't last and they broke up. Having to explain to my 3 yr old why we no longer see GF and her daughter is the hardest thing ever!!! And the breakup was a year daughter still asks weekly why she's no longer friends with Eve.
How do I explain what a relationship is or the terms girlfriend/boyfriend to a 3 yr old??? I still avoid using those words when trying to answer her questions.

I could not imagine being in your shoes. I wish your ex would've thought harder and chose different wording if nothing else since clearly he thought the GF just had to meet his kids?!?! (I was shocked when I read what he did, so I'm totally backing you!)

The game changes when kids are involved. Sounds like somebody needs to grow up a whole lot for his kids' sake!

Hang in there and be the sturdy rock for your kids so they know who will always have their best interest in mind.


Anonymous said...

We've already talked about this and you know I agree with what you have said in this post. Not because I am your friend, but because it is wrong that Stella & Henry have met his girlfriend and child so soon.
Nothing can be done no matter how wrong it is. Stella and Henry are two lucky kids they have one hell of a good momma! Kathy & I have both said several times how good of a mom you are. Just keep a smile on for Stella & Henry!! They love their momma!!!

Shannon Snodgrass said...

This is such a hard one! I was the "girlfriend" when I met Scott. His divorce was final about 8 months (separated about a year before the divorce) when we met and we dated for about 2 months before I met his boys. Granted, they are much older than S&H. Their mother was livid. She said it was way to soon and we should of known each other longer. The boys and I instantly bonded and I was crazy about them. For a brief moment, I thought what if this doesn't work out, I'll be heart broken not to see them again. I hate to admit it but that is exactly what their mother was worried about. I remember telling Scott, if she would meet me and get to know me, maybe she would feel different. Looong story short, it all worked out and their mother and I get along great.

I DO, WITHOUT A DOUBT think that 17 days fresh from a divorce and meeting someone is WAY to soon to introduce them to your children. How do you know someone and if they're good enough to be around your kids? YOU DON'T!!! And him not wanting you to meet her.... BAD mistake on his part. You are their mother and deserve the respect of meeting and knowing who your children are going to be around. It is your right as their mother to protect them and make the best decisions for them, emotionally, physically and mentally NO EXCEPTIONS!!

I could go on and on and tell you what it's like being the child in this situation coming from a divorced home but we may have to have a few drinks first :)))

Good luck Cassie! I have no doubt you will do what is best for S&H. You are an amazing mommy!!!

The Pink Growl said...

You know how I feel about this. I'm glad you blogged about it. I hope it helped you to have this outlet for your frustrations. You are not wrong for feeling the way you feel - we can never help the way we feel about things. I love you!!

SMD @ lifeaccordingtosteph said...

It is totally inappropriate for someone to be meeting the kids after this amount of time.

I am outraged on your behalf. I wish he got it. Your kids need him to get it.